It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
