The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
