do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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