i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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