i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
