the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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