Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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