if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
