my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How naked do you want me to be?
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