I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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