somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
