I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
