now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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