An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A bitchslap is in order.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
