my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
