the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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