We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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