Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
