After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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