Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I deserve this hangover.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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