I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
