That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
