I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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