I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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