God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
