thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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