I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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