What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
