She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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