so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
