Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
