Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
