as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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