I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize