She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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