i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
