but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
