Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
