we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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