We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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