My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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