i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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