I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
