since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
