i don't like sucking hair
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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