so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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