Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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