My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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