you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
