Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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