he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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