Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
