got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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