I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
