my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
