I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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