I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
