just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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