weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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