Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Houston, we have a squirter
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
