She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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