I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
