I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
