Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
