He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize