I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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