making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to make out with him forever
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
