I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
