this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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