She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
